Something that I've been thinking about~
Friends around me are getting preggy. I've been have this weird dream that I'm preggy and didn't have any clue till the tummy got very big & the baby moment is more frequent. (like 5 months).
Some of my friends do family planning, Some don't. For those, that did the planning. I really admire them alot for managing to get 1 in the stomach. For those that did, I have loads of questions for them. Besides the joys of a new life.
Q1. How do you manage your daily expenses?
Q2. If your preggy wife is not working, how can you manage to make ends meet?
Q3. Is your wife going back to the workforce after confinment or will she be taking care of the baby full time?
Q4. Will you feel as if you're going to explode? Being a mother at such a young age?
Q5. What are the things that you're able to give up when the baby is born?
Q6. What was your 1st reaction?
Q7. Will panick when you know that there are so many things and responsibility for the new born?
Q8. Will you start worrying if you have overspent and you can't buy diappers and milk power for the baby?
Gosh there are so much commitment to a child. Carrying the baby in the stomach for 9 months.
That really scare the hell out of me.
No offenses to preggy mummys or mummys, its just some questions that are boiling inside of me.
I'm standing in the same spot of too long.
Its time to make my decision.
I may still love you, I may still care for you, the energy I no longer have.
You may still be blaming me from our last quarrel/ last fight/ last arguement/ last hurt.
You may feel that I don't change thus our problem keeps looping.
You have your plus points, I appreciate. I'm changing, trying to rebuilt our ship.
Nothing worked.
Till day, you still blame me for all e quarrels that we going through now.
Its like asking me to clap using 1 hand.
What I learnt today.
You are responsible for yourself. Means: Having to be in control of your own actions, own state of mind, own emotions. You are e CEO of yourself. No one can u "hey Elle, you are useless" it'll only be true if u believed what others say. In short, they are your CEO for your life.
Being married doesn't mean that the husband responsible for his wife. Neither is the wife responsible for her husband.
Control yr life, or someone else will do it for you.
Sometimes stepping back & taking a look at the situation that you are angry or upset about. Looking at e situation from a 3rd person point of view with a detach feeling and find a better state that u can solve e situation. After that, just apply that state into e situation.
I know it works for me. It might just work for you..
Just for Sharing
I've been feeling rather down lately. Home is not really a Home now. Its a place I know I have to go to. Yet it seems rather stanger to me.
I never regret the decision I made to come clean about how I feel. If we're able to pull through, good. If not, I'll wish him all the best. Right now, I can feel that the energy I once had is decreasing day by day. What I have left is barely enough to keep me concious.
I was so worried for him when his mobile was dead. I had so many scence running in my head. I was wondering if something happened? Did he get into trouble? I panick and I nearly started to head out to his usual bar to check if he is alright and leave secretly.
I don't want him to know. Neither do I want him to feel that I'm spying on him.
Rather than being down, and almost dead. I've decided to let loose. Let nature takes it course and move on. There is nothing I can do for now.
I'm retreating to my favourate place with my babies this weekend. I'm going to be missing them for the whole of next week. :(
Baby boy, Baby girl. Mummy miss you.. <3
Study?
I want to upgrade myself. Considering to take the part-time course from NYP. Business Management. 4 years course.
Yet, I don't really have the spare cash at the moment. :(
Any advise people?
Rants
My life is like a hurricane now!!
To Husband
I APOLOGISE FOR CREATING A BAD IMPRESSION INFRONT OF MY FRIENDS. YOU HAVE YOUR GOOD POINTS, THAT I'VE BEEN SELFISH TO KEEP IT TO MYSELF.
What a Week!!
Its been totally crazy this week! Work, friends, my babies, my family, driving lessons. Woo!! There just so much to do and not enough time for me.
BTW, I booked my Taffic Police Test!! Though its in next year Jan 2010, but its still worth it. Thank you my bitch & her bf for helping so much!! Knowing that its late, they even brought me to have Duo Hua so that I will not get gastric the next day. Being very aware of what's going on in my life, they even drove me to Marina Barrage to let loose and destress. I ran into some of my friends as well. Been a long time and these were the good times.
There is so much more to life.
Though what they did were little gesture, I find them very sweet. For my husband, thank you for leaving me alone. I really needed my space so very badly. Most of the time its all about YOU, this week, I'm just going to have my Me time.
Its been a stressful week for me, but I'm glad that my bitch and my other friends are always there for me.. Especially the ones who always get the Geylang Duo Hua for me when I'm hungry in at night..
Love you guys to bits!!!!!
