This Is Me: August 2007

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Expectations

He asked me if I've made up my mind to give out this relationship of ours. I didn't reply him. I don't know what to say. I'm too scared to get into another relationship. The feeling of being loved is great. You know he or she will there with you through the ups and downs. It all feels nice. Than quarrels will follow. Tears, Hurt and finally betrayal. The result of all these is a break up..

To start a relationship all over again, is tough. Maybe its because I'm asking too much. He always say that I'm selfish. Which girl won't be selfish towards love. I'm not like certain girls, who control their boyfriends. I can't give him the sense of secure and trust. It might be I don't trust myself enough.

There are times in which I will miss the feeling of being loved, but I don't want to hurt any guy I love anymore. I'll be taking up another job to repay my debts and be financially secure.

If your curious about what kind of relationship I want, here's the description:

#1) I want the sense of secure and romance
#2) I won't care if my boyfriend is loaded or poor
#3) He has to be able to joke, but it comes to being serious he must know how to behave.
#4) Respect my family culture and tradition
#5) Must be able to know when to pamper me
#6) Have to think of the positive
#7) Love me for who I am
#8) Respect my dreams/ ideas
#9) Know when I'm serious about my dreams and when I'm joking about my dreams
#10) Know what's the right word to say when I'm down.

High expectations right? With all these expectations, I'll be a lone ranger. It doesn't matter much to me anymore.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I'm sorry.

He would be the 1st one who would know that this blog exists. I all I can say is that I'm sorry, no matter how much I say or do now will never be enough to make it up to him. All I hope is that he will be fine and be happy.

I've hurt him too much. It kills to see him get hurt emotionally. And I'm the one who caused him. He would be last guy that I'll ever fall in love with. The fear of seeing the one I love is getting hurt by me is painful.

I won't be getting into another relationship or go back to any relationship. I'm really scared that I'll hurt another person who loves me. Guess I'm only suited to be alone. Maybe its that will be the best of both world.

Elle, reading the single book now...

Monday, August 13, 2007

About the Past

Recently I've been thinking a lot about my past relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We've been through a lot to be together. My parents disapproval. Our childish thinking. For me is from a girl who knows nothing to a girl who knows traits. Our relationship can be related to this show called "The Outsider" or "Dou Yu" in chinese. Not that we look like the actors or actresses, but more of the story line and the plot of the show.

I still can remember the name of the 1st show that we watched together "Cinderella's Story". At that time I was only 14 and his 16. I was naive and he was fun to be with. Its was 06th of Sept 2004. We broke up after 3 days, because I don't feel for him at that time. After a day, I found that I really liked him. So that's where the story start.

His from the traits and I'm a naive girl. Who would have thought that our paths would cross? I'm always blaming myself for not being able to understand his world. He's always keeping his world from me and blaming himself for not being able to provide for me. He has always been a very protective boyfriend.

He was the 1st guy that I celebrated Christmas with. He bought me a necklace and a Garfield for Christmas. I bought him a display and some liquor chocolate. As for my 16th birthday, he bought me a soft toy dog.. Very big and soft.

A necklace of Love and A ring of Promise

He bought the ring for me and promised me a love. He bought the necklace for me out of love. Well he bought it with a promise of a future that we will work towards. I've stop wearing the ring, but I wore the necklace till today. Though I still can't bring myself to take it down but I'll promise myself and him that I'll live my life to the fullest.

Zhu Bao Bao & Seadog.

Our story.

Will end like this.

Labels: Past

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Elle

This will be the 3rd or 4th blog that I've created but none lasted. Hopefully this one will. The reason that for creating this blog is not to show case how sexy or glamerous I am. Its about the things around me. Things that has happened, going to happen and some of my feelings.

Do drop me a comment at any of my post.

Labels: Introduction